Overgiver’s Syndrome: The First Fracture That Teaches Women to Abandon Themselves
There is a point in nearly every woman’s life where she realizes she’s been giving more than she’s been receiving — not just in romantic relationships, but in friendships, family dynamics, and even at work.
She’s emotionally exhausted. Spiritually drained. And she doesn’t even know why. She’s been overextending herself emotionally, energetically, and spiritually. It has become a ways of being, a default vibration. She’s been “doing the most” — carrying the weight of the relationship, performing constant emotional labor, managing the dynamic, regulating other people’s moods, giving without limits — even when no one asked her to and even whenit’ss her hard earned money and support. And even when no one reciprocated.
This is Overgiver Syndrome — and it’s real. Overgiver Syndrome is a term I created to name what I saw repeatedly in women’s lives. It’s not just about “giving too much.” It’s about a pattern of emotional and physical overgiving that leads to a complete detachment from self, in the worst of cases. It’s a deeply spiritual and psychological fracture. I have witnessed it so many times in my female clients and it has baffled me. I eventually realized that it is a part of and can play a major role in what leads to what I have coined as B.E.T.R.A.Y.A.L. Syndrome, a condition that a woman finds herself battling as a function of distorted thinking around relationships—Devotion Dysmorphia. But, I digress. We will talk more about that in follow-up posts.
It’s the moment a woman starts equating her value with how much she can do, how much she can carry, or how much she can fix for others. This is not “being nice.” This is not “being helpful.” It’s beyond all of that. This is codependent behavior wrapped in the disguise of care.
Overgiver Syndrome is often comorbid with many other self-harming behaviors, indications, conditions and traits. There are many. Some common ones are:
People-pleasing
Weak boundaries
Low self-worth
Imposter syndrome
Relationship anxiety
Savior Complex
Chronic guilt for saying no
It is the first fracture — what I call the original sin — because it’s the first time a woman learns to abandon herself. The beautiful thing is that it is learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned too! Very early on a woman learned and internalized that love must be earned. That her presence isn’t enough. That she must perform for love, sacrifice for acceptance, or remain silent to keep peace. She so began to equate over-functioning with worth. The habit continued, became a cycle, and reinforced itself through societal conditioning, patriarchal paradigms and outdated belief systems.
The patterns that show up in Overgiver’s Syndrome are not just unhealthy — they are spiritually disempowering.
As a woman repeats this cycle again and again, she begins to externalize her personal power, tethering it to what others think, feel, and need causing her to separate from herself and even her primal instinct for self-preservation.
And before long, she can’t tell the difference between authentic love and emotional survival. And you slowly — but steadily — forget who you are.
It’s important to say this clearly: Givers belong with givers. Takers belong with takers. Givers do not belong with takers. But when you’ve been conditioned to prove your worth through giving, you mistake emotional depletion for connection. Over time, you normalize overgiving in relationships, even in the face of imbalance, disrespect, or burnout.
You confuse tolerance with strength. You confuse emotional labor with intimacy. You take on this sort of superwoman complex. I know I did. And it exhausted me. Guess what? I retired my cape many years ago and I have no intention of putting it back on. I’m stronger, better off, aligned with givers, and safeguarded from those who would seek to disenfranchise me of my spiritual sovereignty or those who my comingling with would compromise my self-value.
Ready to Heal the Pattern at the Root?
If any of this speaks to you, it’s time to dig deeper. My Overgiver’s Syndrome Journal on Amazon was created for women just like you — women who are ready to break the pattern, reclaim their worth, and stop sacrificing themselves to be loved. It’s time to break free from the addiction to self-sacrifice.
This journal is more than a place to vent — it’s a guided tool to help you identify core wounds, uncover behavioral patterns, and start making new choices rooted in self-worth and emotional boundaries. It’s comprehensive, instructional, transformative, and interactive.
Start Your Healing Journey TODAY!
You don’t have to keep abandoning yourself.
You don’t have to keep carrying others to feel worthy.
There’s a way back to yourself — and it starts with one truth at a time.
This is just the beginning. Stay tuned for more insights, tools, and truth-telling posts that dive deeper into Overgiver Syndrome and how to finally break free from it — for good.
